Hello my darlings,
I know it's been quite a while since I've updated here and that's mainly because our world feels as though it's been put on pause since the outbreak of Covid and the worldwide quarantine. It almost feels like Groundhog Day sometimes. Day after day it's not much different from the last. I wake up and have created some semblance of a routine for my own well-being. I get outside at least once a day, I work out or do yoga from home to keep up with my health regime and also get some endorphins going. I live alone, so most days have been pretty quiet and as someone who identifies as more of an introvert, I do value my alone time and having that time to decompress and do things to nurture my soul, but this quarantine has brought the meaning of alone time to a whole new level. Too much of something can be a bad thing right? Or I think in this case, it's that feeling of being cooped up and thinking, "ok, how can I keep myself busy today?" There's only so many projects and so many Netflix shows before I just feel myself getting antsy to get back to familiarity and a more fulfilling life. I know this is temporary, but it's felt at times that it is never-ending. I've been very supportive and have been very much for social distancing and doing my part to keep myself safe and others as well. Not to say that it hasn't been difficult though. I'm going to be candid here for a minute. You see a side of Emma that is sexy, carefree and with a lust for life, always encouraging others and sharing love and support to those when I can, but when the quarantine first started I initially pulled away from social media and the world completely. I needed time to process what was going on and how vastly my life along with everyone else's had changed in the blink of an eye. It wasn't an easy transition for me and at times felt really sad that this was going on in our world and what a toll it had taken on literally everyone so quickly. I had literally just made it to Paris in early March and within 24 hours the world was this chaotic mess and with so much fear of the unknown unfortunately my trip had to end earlier than planned. I came home to literally a new norm and a new way of life. It hit me pretty hard, everything from not being able to see friends and family to living my life the way that I was so used to. Not being able to work hit me pretty hard too. With everything being so up in the air and chaotic, there was all this uncertainty of when things would resume back to normal and with the quarantine continually being extended I was terrified with where this would leave me. How would I be able to make a living, pay my rent and my bills with this continuing to drag on longer and longer? How long was this really going to last and even when social distancing was over how quickly would things resume back to normal?
I felt so stressed and honestly a bit depressed at times. Not being able to take control over my life and having it so limited was really hard for me which was why it was so important for me to take that time away from social media. I had a rough time with my life being changed and spent many days just sitting in fear. My lease was up in April and thankfully I've been able to extend a couple months with the moratorium, but am now in the process of trying to move and though I've rejoined the world of social media and have even joined the world of Virtual ho's, it's still scary for me, the idea of moving right now and not knowing the state of my business. I think it will take time for people to feel comfortable, even after the quarantine is over to feel comfortable seeing providers and that's terrifying for me as I'm trying to prepare myself to move and even just in my everyday lifestyle.
I will be announcing this in my coming newsletter as well, but I have made the decision to start seeing clients in person again. I'm primarily sticking to current clients right now, but I am still taking on new clients as well, but will be ramping up on my screening process and more selective on who I see. Though California is still under quarantine, this is a personal decision I have made for myself. I've been cautious, following all the CDC's guidelines and have not had any symptoms so I feel confident that I would not be endangering anyone. I realize not everyone feels confident or comfortable with seeing providers and not all providers are doing the same thing as I am, but I have to do what I feel is best for me and right now financially the longer I go without proper income, the more of a strain it will put on me and quite frankly I'm tired of living my life so stressed and full of fear all the time. I think as the rest of the world is slowly transitioning back to some sense of normalcy and the economy is slowly opening up again, I want to do the same. When I started working as a provider I literally started from nothing. I was financially broke and had been evicted from my home. I worked my butt off these last two years to build a life for myself that wasn't lavish or over the top, but that was comfortable for me. I didn't have to worry about money and I'll be damned if I let this virus put me back in that place where I was struggling so much all the time.
I want to give a special shout out to those lovers of mine who have gone above and beyond to support me during this time. I know it's been hard on everyone and so when I've received gifts or even considerations to help assist me during this time, it has meant so much to me and has touched me so deeply because it just goes to show how much my clients care about me and my well-being. I appreciate it so much and can't thank those of you enough for thinking of me. I would never feel comfortable asking for help from any of you, but seeing how much I've been lifted up during this time, I know that you all will continue to have my back and show your love and support and for that I am extremely grateful for the love that is shown to me. I hope I've been able to return that love and show my appreciation for you all too. This will forever change all of our lives and I think when this is all behind us, I know for me personally I will be so much more appreciative of my life. Especially the little things in life, the things that we don't even think about like school, work, going out to dinners with friends, going out for the day without worrying about masks or waiting in lines at stores and most of all not being terrified of every person we come into contact with. What a truly eye opening experience and while I've learned a lot about what I truly value and how to work through fears and to be quite frank, I'm still working through them, I know I will be so so grateful when all of this is behind us.
I know this post hasn't been a side of Emma that you typically see, but especially with those of you whom I've developed a deeper connection with, I think it's important to show a deeper level of myself, because after all I'm human too. I would love to sit here and tell you that I've been able to maintain a positive attitude through this all, but in all honesty it's been one of the more difficult things that I've gone through in my life, but again thankfully I have some wonderful clients that have lifted me up when I needed it most. I look forward to connecting with more of you in the coming months whether that be via an email planning a future date or next week. I just can't wait to feel alive again and have more in my life to talk about than this virus. And I can only hope that for our world and especially for our country that this has been an opportunity to bring more compassion into the world and maybe look at life through a different lens. Appreciate the little things, helping others and the community more. Some have been very fortunate and others not so much and it has been so heart warming to see how people have come together to really support each other during this time and my hope is that it doesn't end with this virus, but continues as our world reopens its doors.
I wish you all the best and hope you are all safe and healthy and are making it through this time. And if you are struggling that's ok too and just know that I'm sending you love and kisses and keeping you in my thoughts. I truly cannot wait to see you all again soon so we can have a little fun and excitement back in our lives once again! <3