When I started in this industry I had no idea what I was really getting myself into. I didn't know the first thing about being a companion and I was naive in thinking that it was just about physical pleasures. I was young and broke and after dabbling a bit in other areas of the adult industry I found myself wanting to explore the world of companionship. I learned very quickly through several bad experiences and sheer ignorance on my part that safety was of utmost importance and that no amount of charm or money was worth jeopardizing my well-being. I didn't have the support of any fellow providers to mentor me in the various dos and don'ts of sex work. I guess a part of me was always in fear of the world finding out about who I really was. I worked so hard initially to mask this part of my life and when I eventually did come out to a few close friends and family I was met with harsh judgments, being made to feel ashamed of something that actually made me feel quite good. I would get civvie jobs to appease them, but secretly moonlighted as Emma when I could. Some of you may remember me from the beginning. A bit timid, yet this alluring air of mystique that captivated many of my suitors. To say Emma has transformed over the years would be an understatement because the woman you see today is anything, but timid! Though I maintain my sensuously charming and hedonistic nature.
I came back from my last hiatus in the Spring of 2018 right after Sesta/Fosta had passed. I know, impeccable timing on my part! After ending things with a partner of mine I had realized that I was tired of doing things based on what others told me I should do. Or what society deemed socially acceptable. Being a "good girl" so to speak. I always found myself doing sex work one way or another whether I hid it or not and I was tired of feeling so shameful about something that has helped me immensely in so many ways. Today I can tell you that I'm proud of what I do and who I am. This isn't a part of my life that I want to hide any longer and if it bothers people, well then tough shit for them! Don't take this the wrong way though as I'm certainly not shouting from the rooftops that I'm a sex worker. There are a time and place for everything my friends. I am an overtly sensual being and love that I am so comfortable with that part of myself and sharing it with others to the point where I can help them to be more confident and comfortable with their own sensual desires.
It's not just about the money to me. Financial freedom and stability are important, yes but I wouldn't still be doing this if it were just for that. Sex work is about so much more to me and I truly feel grateful that this is my job. It's not always as glamorous as it seems though, this can be tough work at times. People may look at sex work as being easy money, but they are clearly uneducated because there are times when it's incredibly stressful. Days when you have those disrespectful clients who just want to waste your time and play games not realizing that this is your job and your means of income. Or perhaps you feel like social media is sucking the life out of you lately or it's tax season and trying to figure out how to properly do them and having little resources to turn to is incredibly overwhelming. Or maybe it's one of those weeks where it's especially slow and you don't know when your next client will be and all you can do is pray that you make it through the month. These moments have taught me to never take things personally and to focus on myself and my goals and also the importance of self-care. The minute I start comparing myself to another provider or getting down on myself because I'm not getting work or not where I want to be financially, that's when I need to take a step back and focus on other areas of my life. Or even just reminding myself of all that I have to be grateful for. I've been doing this work for quite a while now and if I've learned anything it's that taking care of myself comes first. I want to be the best version of myself when I'm with my clients and I can't do that if I'm drowning in self-doubt or fear. So making sure to do the things that bring me joy and happiness whatever those may be is crucial to being a happy ho!
With hardship and struggle comes great reward too and it's the clients that treat me with so much adoration and affection and the experiences I have with them that far outweigh any of the bad times (which are very little in comparison). The moments I've shared with suitors has left me with so many beautiful and delicious memories. Connection to me isn't just about the physical, in fact, some of my most intimate moments with clients were built off the emotional connection we shared. I've been told by some that no amount of time is ever enough and I feel the same way sometimes. The basis of our relationships may be unconventional and while we know so little about one another we are in a lot of ways more vulnerable with each other than we are with most people. I love being able to take part in fulfilling the deepest of desires, exploring the most sensual and hedonistic delights. Or being that outlet for an otherwise chaotic and stressful life, but our time together being that reprieve from it all whether that be in the form of cuddling up in each other's arms or adventuring the world together. I get just as much from these shared moments as any of my clients do. Where else would you be able to say such a thing? What job would create the kind of experiences and memories or have you jet setting around the world with various lovers? The luxe life of a ho does that and so much more.
When asked how long will I continue sex work for or what do I want to do with my life the answer is quite simple. I want to keep doing this for as long as I see fit. Eventually, I see myself crossing over to the fashion industry and while I do have dreams of pursuing that and becoming a designer and stylist, right now I'm more than happy being one of San Francisco's most adored companions!